sometimes transition is hard.
Being ready for change and even excited about what is ahead does not make one immune to the difficulty that transition can bring. I'm living this now. With my whole heart, I believe that God has good in store, and I look forward to it. I'm also being intentional about savoring what's left of the season my kids and I have been in. But this transitional time is stretching me thin and wearing me out already.
I feel a bit wimpy admitting this, but I can't deny its truth. I'm looking for what God is wanting to teach me in this. Along with the practical adjustments (mainly in our daily schedule), I've been going through something major spiritually. I literally went from one day feeling on top of the world happy and excited to the next day feeling so depleted in just about every way. And I've been battling it all week. To be really transparent, these are the feelings I've been having: feeling unworthy, unloveable, inadequate, ugly, inferior, and overall just a mess. I'm a thinker and sometimes (way) over-process things, and this week it's been wreaking havoc in my mind.
A couple of things have helped. First, keeping my attention focused upward. I'm playing worship music constantly, letting it soak into my soul, and praising God for who He is. I'm reading His Word like a treasure and finding reassurance in His promises. And I'm taking my thoughts captive. I can recognize when I start to dwell on thoughts that are deadly. Even when they feel true, I have to stop myself and remember what God says and think on those things instead. It isn't easy, and I'm not saying to stop and pretend it doesn't matter.. but to stop and acknowledge thoughts that are not healthy, try to identify why I'm feeling that way, and then remind myself of truth and purpose to dwell on that instead.
I like to think of transition as something lovely, like the time between afternoon and night. The transition that happens in the sky is a beautiful sunset. And sometimes that can be the case when we face change. But sometimes it's hard, more like the transitional stages of labor. That can be the most intense of all. I remember during one of my labors, when I got to a really tense (and painful) time of transition, I panicked for a split second and thought to myself, "I can't do this! What was I thinking?" But then I collected myself and took a deep, cleansing breath and pushed through. Minutes later, I was holding a beautiful baby, and of course it was all worth it.
If you're going through change and experiencing an intense period of transition, hold on. Take a deep, cleansing breath. Capture dangerous thoughts and soak yourself in truth. Push forward. It will be worth it.